5 Tips to Restore Peace When Family Conflicts Arise

No one likes to argue with their family- at least you shouldn't! Family conflicts are uncomfortable and at the heart disappointing. As a coping mechanism many people might shrug them off as ‘it is what it is’ or go into self protection mode where they are only concerned about their well being through it.

Jesus called us to love one another, especially our families, and it is our duty to make every effort to restore peace where peace is needed. Learn how to answer Jesus' call within your family with these tips below.

• Calm yourself down

This, I believe, is one of the most important steps when trying to restore peace during family conflicts. It will be very hard for you to promote peace within your family when you, yourself, are displaying the opposite of peace. Calming yourself down first will not only help to alleviate some of the tension in the situation, but it will also help you in how you deal with your family members.

Angry people are easily triggered. 

In order to avoid being triggered by hurtful words and actions or even pushback against your attempts to restore peace, calm yourself down beforehand. As a Christian, this looks like going before God and asking Him to fill you with His peace. Repent for any wrongdoing on your part, forgive others of their wrongdoings, and ask the Lord to help you to be peaceful in the situation. 

• Come up with a strategy

This might seem like an odd step but just hear me out. People are different and can be difficult in their own ways. Even you can be difficult at times too, just admit it. When family conflict arises, people are normally tense and on edge. Like it or not, as a Christian, you need to see above this. 

Your fight is not with flesh and blood, but against the devil and his attempts to destroy your family.

You need to come up with a strategy because it will help you to overcome Satan.

Ask God to help you to see how the enemy is attacking each family member including yourself. Let’s say for example that your sister and your Aunt are at war with each other. Your sister is displaying pride. She thinks she is right in everything and cannot be told otherwise. Meanwhile, your Aunt has an issue with taking your sister's words and twisting them to mean something that they really didn’t mean, as she often does.

Your strategy may look like this:

Your sister needs help with seeing someone else’s viewpoint. Most people with pride have a hard time seeing life through someone else’s eyes. Your conversations of peace with her might look like:

• reassurance that you see why she thinks the way she thinks

• a breakdown of the other person’s viewpoint

• a connection between both of their viewpoints

• encouragement

Meanwhile, the strategy for your aunt may look like this:

• keep all communication positive

• Start with talking about something good

• A positive outlook on the other person’s words

• Showing her the other person’s perspective as to why they said those words

• A positive connection between both parties

• Encouragement to see the good

Now you might be thinking that that is too much. Well, it might be too much for you, but when you partner with God your load always becomes lighter. 

• Pray and Repent

Now even though I have included this as tip number 3, prayer is something that should be continuously done as a believer. I am including this here because one, the Lord gave it to me in this order, but two, I also believe that it shows the progression of the journey to restoring peace. 

As you are having these peace restoring conversations with your family, be in prayer about them! Pray for the Holy Spirit to give you the right words to say. Pray for your family to receive what you have to say well. Even if it doesn't look good after the first few conversations, continue to pray and speak the outcome that you want to see!

Repentance is very important in the lives of every believer. As you are dealing with your family, it can be easy to become angry or hurt by words spoken. If we are not careful, the enemy can make us act on our emotions and cause even more of a conflict in our family. If that does happen, just repent, and ask the Lord to help you to be strong so that you are not overcome again.

• Trust God

If there is one thing that I could testify about it would be God's faithfulness to show up in the midst of family conflict! I have had days where it seemed like me and my family would never recover, but God showed up faithful every time.

Trust Him!

Do not solely go by what you see. Your family may look like they are unrestorable and every time you see them it can feel worse and worse. But listen, just trust Him! He is working even when it seems like He is not. Do your part with what you have and allow God to do the rest. He will not let you down!

• Repeat everything

"If at first you don't succeed, try try again."

Peace might not be restored the first. It might not the second time. It might not even be restored the 15th time. But go back and try again!

Think of your family conflict as the same way that God thinks of us in His long suffering. He waits a whole lifetime for us to repent and turn back to Him, all because He desires us that strongly. Long suffering is a fruit of the Spirit. We are to suffer long with others just as much as the Lord suffers long with us.

Go back through every step as much as the Lord leads you, and trust that one day you will see the fruit of the very peaceful seeds that you are planting.